One moment in Time

Whitney Houston's song 'One Moment in Time' sets my imagination alight. How I love to hear her powerful voice singing that song, so meaningful and inspirational. The song came so aptly on the radio as I was thinking of my father, who left us so suddenly on that fateful day of 27 July, 34 years today. 

If God could give me one moment in time in my life, what would I choose to do in that moment of time? I have the answer on hand without a second thought. Yes, I would tell God I would like to spend that time with my father. 

I have always felt sad that I had not spent enough time with my father. The link with him had only been letters between us during the years I was away studying abroad. On my return, I was caught up in my career and bringing up a family in a different country from where he lived. Yes, we take things for granted, thinking that we have time, and we tend to put off doing things until "later"; and before I knew it, he was gone. Many, like me do not know how to treasure what we have, until we have lost them. By then, it is too late. So it is with my father. There are so many things I want to tell him, so many experiences I want to share with him, but never made the time to do that when he was alive. Yes, in that one moment in time, this is how I would like to spend the time with my father:

First, I would give him a long, big hug and tell him how much I loved him, and would always love him. I would then tell him how grateful I am for his love and his vision to send me to school at a time when girls' education were of secondary importance and for that, he has helped shaped the career I had and the life I enjoy now. I would tell him that I am happy with James, and that our children, both married, are independent in their own lives and careers. Of course I would bring him to see my mother, now old but healthy and I will reassure him that she is well loved and well taken care of. 

I would take him to see all my brothers and sisters-in-law and tell him that they have not only succeeded, but have diversified and expanded the furniture and hardware businesses he left for them. I would gather all his 23 grandchildren and 8 great-grandchildren together to meet him so he knows that the family lineage carries on. This reunion calls for a big feast, a family celebration. I will prepare all his favorite dishes, one of which will be bak-kut-teh with the choicest meat, followed by the best Tieguanyin Chinese tea that he loves!

He would be happy to know that his youngest daughter and son, who were only in their teens when he passed on, are now successful business entrepreneurs. I would also take him to see my sister in Australia, and we will travel to London to see her children. I'm sure he would be surprised how the world has changed with the digital age and how small it has become, that family members or friends can be separated by vast oceans and seas and yet be connected so easily by a tablet!     

Last but not least, I would take him to China to see the remarkable changes in his homeland - the vibrant economy, the ever-changing skyline of the big cities, and yes, the amount of food there, so much that the Chinese people need not starve again! He would be thankful I'm sure, safe with the knowledge that all his brothers' children and grandchildren will have equal opportunities in life.  

But why do we have to wait until it is too late? Why not now? We only have the present moment to show our love and concern for the people who mean a lot to us, our spouse, our children, our parents, family and close friends. Yes, today and everyday, tell them that you love them; take your spouse out for a romantic meal even when there is no occasion to celebrate, just time together. Bond with your children, spend time with them, share family meals together, joke and laugh with them, talk and discuss the day's events with them. Hug them whenever, wherever you can, even when they have grown up. Visit your parents and reminisce the good old days with them. Catch up with friends over meals or drinks. Share company information and plans with colleagues so that you succeed as a team in the corporate world. On top of that, be grateful always and show compassion to the people who are less fortunate than you. 

You may not realize it now, but when the person is gone, the times that you have spent together will become your most treasured memories. You would have no regrets by then. You have given your best. 

As Whitney Houston sang:       "Each day I live,
                                              I want to be
                                              The day to give
                                              The best of me.
                                              Give me one moment in time, 
                                              when I'm more than I thought I could be
                                              when all my dreams are a heartbeat away
                                              and the answers are all up to me
                                              Give me one moment in time...
                                              

Now what would you do if you were given one moment in time...when you can turn back the clock...what would your wish be?                                             

                             

1914 - 27 July 1979

                              
                                In loving memory of my father, Yong Peck Lan
    
        

The little warrior from Mongolia

Nomuun was six months old when her parents, Huska and Dudaana noticed that something was not quite right with her. She could not sit unsupported or crawl like her cousin of the same age. They also noticed that half her forehead and face was cold and sweaty while the other half was warm! Apart from that, Nomuun is a beautiful, adorable, cheerful girl with a ready smile for everyone.

The doctors in Mongolia could not explain her symptoms and condition, so they advised the parents to bring her to Beijing for further assessment. The 3 months spent in Beijing going from one hospital to another, did not come up with any positive diagnosis, due in part to communication barrier and because of her young age, the doctors down-played it to developmental problems from lack of vitamins!

Back in Mongolia, they religiously followed the doctors' advice of giving her massages and the multi- vitamins prescribed. An observant therapist noticed that Nomuun would cry with pain each time she was placed lying on her stomach, so a spine and chest x-ray were done to exclude bone tuberculosis. It was only an MRI that finally gave a clearer picture to the problem. A big tumor was found on her chest area, which appeared to wrap round her spinal cord! Her doctor immediately advised treatment overseas, and Beijing was out of the question. 

Nomuun at 11 months old

That was in October 2007, when I first met Nomuun and her parents. They had brought her to Bangkok to seek treatment in the hospital where I was working. By then, Nomuun was 10 months old.  After a thorough examination, the Pediatric  Neurologist diagnosed that Nomuun had Nueroblastoma, a form of cancer which had developed in the nerve tissue of her chest and pressing on her spinal cord which explained her paralysis from waist down! 

Shocked and confused, Huska and Dudaana braced themselves for long term treatment of their baby and the uncertain prognosis. There were so many things to consider: their jobs back home in Ulaanbator, their six-year old elder daughter's care and schooling there, their finances, the cost of the medical treatment, their temporary abode in Bangkok etc...etc...

But far from being overwhelmed by the enormity of the problem, they took one step at a time and decided to go along with the treatment plan that the team of Specialists looking after Nomuun had lined up for her. The tumor had to be removed; but because of its massive size, the doctors decided to go the conservative way - that chemotherapy should be the first line of treatment to try and shrink it to a size where it is operable and without too much risk to her small body.  

Nomuun in her early days of treatment

Nomuun went through a total of 17 cycles of chemotherapy over a period of 15 months. Her hair did not have time to grow before another course of the toxic drugs made her bald again! It was heart breaking to hear her cries each time a nurse had to prick her hand with a needle to either draw blood for investigations or to set up an intravenous drip for the chemotherapy treatment. But no sooner had the needle been drawn and the pain gone, and with comforting words to console her, Nomuun would be smiling again, forgiving the nurse, her eyes and cheeks still wet with tears! 

Early days of physiotherapy

Yes, through it all, Nomuun went through her infirmity like a little warrior. We learnt a lot from her those days, that despite the pain, the nausea, the vomiting, the loss of appetite, there is always a new day to look forward to, with sunshine, family and friends to share laughter with; that rainbows will show its beauty even after a thunderstorm! She became the love of all the nurses who looked after her, including her doctors, the cleaning ladies and the pantry maids who brought food in each day. She captivated everyone with her smiles, her charm, her incomprehensible gurgling Mongolian words that she learned from her mother. There were good times too when the nurses celebrated her first birthday in December 2007 (and subsequently her 2nd birthday as well the following year). It was such a joy for us to see Nomuun happy, delighting in the fun and laughter with the people who cared for her and who also brought lots of presents and cakes for the occasion. 

In February 2009 the tumor was deemed small enough to attempt surgery. A team of doctors, including a Pediatric Cardio-Thoracic Surgeon and a Pediatric Neurosurgeon took 5 hours in the operating theater to try and remove as much of the cancer tissue as they could from the chest area and from the spinal cord. Nomuun spent 7 days in the Intensive Care Unit and a further 10 days in the ward recuperating from this major surgery. The true test of her warrior qualities was how she went through her post-operative care. She was unfazed by the numerous tubes in and around her, cooperating with the nurses who were looking after her and quietly bearing the pain as long as her mother was there reassuring her that she would be well. 

Nomuun with a full head of hair in 2010

Nomuun will be 7 years old this December. She is a bright, energetic girl, loves to sing and is now attending pre-school classes twice a week, while the remaining days are spent in intensive physiotherapy, yoga and swimming lessons to strengthen her legs. She can stand with support, and walks with the help of a walker or when she supports herself walking along a wall. The Therapist is confident that if Nomuun can improve her hip and knee muscles, she will be able to walk with an elbow crutch, and hopefully, to progress to a walking stick for support. 

In pre- school class

The future looks promising for Nomuun. As for Huska and Dudaana, we can only imagine the pain and anguish they went through as young parents; the sacrifices they made and the tears they shed having to see their precious baby go through such grueling treatment. Hope sustained them, but it was their perseverance, the great love for their child, faith in the doctors, and support of family and friends that helped them through their 3 years ordeal in Bangkok. 

For me, I count myself very fortunate to have met this family. They have taught me so much, that in the face of adversity we should never give up, instead we should take each day as it comes with faith and hope, and patience too; that tough times never last; and to look for the silver lining even when the clouds are dark. Somehow the Divine will know to send 'angels' our way to help us lessen our burdens, as was evident in Nomuun's case. A concert was held in Ulaanbator, organised by friends to raise funds for her medical treatment and many well-known singers and artistes willingly came forward to participate when they learned of her plight. 

In the course of their stay in Bangkok with me, I have become 'family' to them since it was not easy for their extended families in Mongolia to take time off from their commitments to be with them. I became Nomuun's "emee", the Mongolian term for "grandmother"! Yes, I have gained a grand-daughter, and a little warrior at that! 

Nomuun on a wheelchair presented to her by Joni and Friends Foundation in Chiangmai 

                                       

                                 
                                  We acquire the strength we have overcome.                                                                            
                                                             -Ralph Emerson-

                                               

Bruno and Charlie

                               

The sweet-natured Charlie

This is Charlie, a poodle-mix and he belongs to Jon and Kylee who rescued him when he was two years old. Charlie is a product of the puppy mill. I cannot imagine the sufferings he went through before his rescue by a team of dog-lovers called  Hope Dog Rescue. For over a year, Charlie could not be sold. He was kept in a pet shop but each time someone came in to buy a puppy, he was side-tracked, perhaps because there were other puppies 'cuter' than him. As he grew, his cage where he was kept could hardly contain him. He had to lie bent on his two front legs in the cramped cage, which explains the rough callouses we now see on the elbows of his front legs. As a male dog, he had no space to  naturally lift up his leg to urinate, so he has to bend down to urinate. 

By the time he was adopted by Jon and Kylee, he was a frightened, nervous dog, frightened of strangers, of noises, of any movement made around him. He would stay under the dining table, his place of refuge and needs constant coaxing to come out, to be touched, to be caressed and for us to win his trust. It took him almost a year to gain his confidence, and to know that this is now his home and that he is well-loved.

The adorable Bruno

Incidentally, it was Bruno who actually saved Charlie. Bruno is a Schnauzer, Jon and Kylee's first pet dog, given to them by a friend when he was a puppy. When he was a year old, Bruno did not like to be left alone too long in the house, when Jon and Kylee go to work. He would tear the newspapers to pieces, nibble at the TV remote control, just to show them that he was lonely.That prompted Kylee to search the internet to adopt a companion for Bruno. When Charlie came in, the two dogs were an instant hit. They get along well, both are of the same size and weight. The Vet gave him a clean bill of health, except for his persistent allergy problem, which when it gets bad, needs to be treated with antibiotics and short term steroids. Fortunately  this does not occur often since he is on a special diet. Charlie is quite happy to allow Bruno to be the 'leader-of-the-pack' and the two loves to 'spar' with one another, with each learning new techniques from the other. The only sad thing I noticed is that Charlie does not know how to 'play' with us - whether it is chasing after a ball, or a friendly tug-of-war with a rope. He was never engaged in play when he was a puppy. Poor Charlie! He has lost his puppy-hood being locked up in a cage, abused, ignored and unloved.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened to Charlie if he had not been rescued? I was told that in the puppy mill business, when the puppies are not sold, and as they grow bigger and need more food for sustenance, they become a liability. So to minimize costs, many of them are 'put away' and the easiest, cheapest way is to drown them! Do you condone such cruel, inhuman act? Would you support the puppy mill business if you know the misery, the torment, the pain and agony those "cute" dogs and their mummies go through?  Very often they are taken away from their mothers before they are weaned, hence they lack the immune support system, so vital to keep them alive and healthy. Many suffer abuse, malnutrition, and are psychologically scarred by the time someone buys them. They are sad to say, prisoners of man's greed. We should never support such commercial activities. There are many abandoned dogs in Dog Shelters in your home- town that need a home and someone to love them; they are just waiting for that kind "mummy" or "daddy" to come along and adopt them.   

Somehow rescued dogs know instinctively that they have been given a second chance to live, as in Charlie's case. He is quiet, has a mild temperament and easy to handle on his daily walks. I like that tender look in his eyes when he lifts up his head to look at us - it is as though he is telling us that he is grateful and that he loves us.  

Bruno and Charlie - now the best of friends

                               
                 
                 Marley taught me about living each day with unbridled exuberance  
                 and joy, about seizing the moment and following your heart. He 
                 taught me to appreciate the simple things - a walk in the woods,
                 a fresh snowfall, a nap in a shaft of winter sunlight. And as he grew 
                 old and achy, he taught me about optimism in the face of adversity.
                 Mostly he taught me about friendship and selflessness and 
                 above all else, unwavering loyalty.

                                                      John Grogan, Marley and me.